___ to be or not!

i ask myself man .
The biggest question of 2013.

To be or not to be? w ___
Apparently the divide is very clear now, its a matter of deciding between rationality and emotions.
I know that in the years two come* , either can change.
Rationality can be argued and emotions can be eroded.
However as of 2013 January ...
It's Nian or K.D
And i'm torn !

I dream and wish about the possibilities , yet i look back with fond-ness at our made believed future!
Good  ___ may be , a good person ___ is . But whats good* may not be good for me!
It's almost impossible to weigh the *pros and cons*.
Almost like religion, this issue cannot be argued in a logical sense!

This topic with regards to the emotions present, the emotions present are indescribable by words , it maybe an event like that of watching a sunset of which the emotions present is morphing every time you choose to reflect upon it!
And i'm unable to imagine the complicated emotions i will hold if either decisions are made!
Will i grow numb? or will i like r0(k1n grow to regret every mistake i made?
Will i regret? If i were to reflect upon this incident in the future , as to be or not to be?

It is for me to decide still ..
However let me pen it down , and reflect upon it with vigor and with differing emotions!

I know that , rationally . To-be could possibly be the condemnation of my life!
There are various aspects of my insufficiency that ___ does not fill!
However , at times i'll question . This is my first , should i expect the world from an individual?
Have i not seen enough to cherish whats present? Will i miss and appreciate the present values if they were to disappear? nono , will i appreciate the present values more then the ones i wish for*****

As it is , there may never be any real conclusion drawn as i'll forever be !.

The main issue rationally is that our molds and bonds have already harden and so has our definition of this relationship has been fixed!  and therefore any drastic change seems almost impossible!

As much as i try to be rational above , i dare not say that it is void of emotions!

As of today's reflection of this morphing emotion.
I would firmly state that she is a source of unhappiness.
However this could possibly be due to this absolute comfort that i'm in!( No school , no commitments!).
At which there is little opportunity for her to demonstrate her capabilities to meet my much illusive in-sufficiencies!

Many times , i will feel intense frustration/suffocation in our many quarrels ! Of which i see total despair if i were to continue in this relationship!
At the prevailing anger then, it's almost impossible to take a step back!
However as i'm reflecting(now) , i wonder why have i not tried to look at the root cause of such emotions! as  i learnt that anger and frustration is almost like a secondary emotion . Which root stems from something a lot less intense and easily overlooked! ....

However i thought that the times at which happier moments are found , ___ can be a source of comfort.
The memories and made believes we cherished are looked upon fondly even as i type words of such despair(at the bond)

How interesting it is to me , to pen down my thoughts one word at a time did i realize that the stand of rationality and emotions are totally opposite! I began with rationality as that of the "not to be" while emotions as the "to be).
As i typed  and reasoned with more given time between each thoughts , not to be or to be!?
Shit now i'm back to square one . its all grey ...AGAIN!

EAT SHIT AH!